Good morning! As temperatures drop and Mariah Carey’s annual cavalcade of cash begins rolling in, the election is just 18 days away and Joe Biden has just 94 days left in the White House.

SECRET SERVICE

🕵️ DHS Report demands Secret Service overhaul

The not-so-Secret Service got a bad review at work this week from its boss. Nearly letting a presidential candidate get assassinated on live TV tends to do that. The Department of Homeland Security (DHS), the Secret Service's parent department, dropped an assessment this week on the agency's recent performance. And, whew, it is brutal.

The issues that led to the colossal screwup at Trump's rally in Butler, Pennsylvania in July aren't new. The agency ranked dead last (305/305) in a 2016 survey of workplace satisfaction at federal agencies.

• In 2009, a couple of randos walked right into a White House state dinner uninvited.

• In 2011, a guy literally shot the White House with a rifle. The Secret Service only noticed when a housekeeper found broken glass days later.

• In 2012, three agents resigned after bringing prostitutes to a hotel during a presidential trip to Colombia. On a 2014 trip, an agent passed out drunk in a hotel hallway (...in Amsterdam).

• In 2014, the Secret Service director resigned in 2014 after a guy jumped the White House fence. He somehow made it all the way inside the White House before leading agents on a game of tag through the joint. This happened three days after a man with a gun and a criminal record got on an elevator with then-President Obama.

• In 2015, top presidential protection agents drove drunk and crashed into a White House barrier.

• In 2017, an agent suggested she wouldn't take a bullet for then-Presiden Trump.

The report noted that agents showed a shocking "lack of ownership." Said one member of the panel that completed the investigation, "The service has become insular and stale." She didn't stop there, either. "Secret Service as an agency requires fundamental reform to carry out its mission. Without that reform... another Butler can and will happen again.”

• The report itself didn't mince words. “The Secret Service must be the world’s leading governmental protective organization. The events at Butler on July 13 demonstrate that, currently, it is not.”

The panel recommends two big changes. First, start hiring hordes of talented people from the private sector to remake the agency's busted culture. Second, refocus the Secret Service on protection duties only.

• The Secret Service was founded in 1865 to investigate rampant counterfeiting after the Civil War (by, ironically, Abe Lincoln. RIP). Protecting the president was tacked on as a second mission in 1901.

• Investigating financial crimes still comprises the bulk of the Secret Service's workload. After all, what's an agent in the Wichita field office supposed to do all day?

Remaking the agency's basic purpose is a tough sell. But lawmakers in both parties made similar proposals this summer. This might be the one point on which Democrats and Project 2025 agree.

GOVERNMENT

🚫 Introverts and free trial addicts are breathing sighs of relief. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) — the government's consumer protection agency — just finalized its new "click to cancel" rule. If you sign up for something in person, you must be allowed to cancel either online or over the phone. For online memberships, canceling can't take more clicks than signing up did. The new rule takes effect in six months (that's standard for rules like this). Opposition groups accused the FTC of micromanaging business decisions and said the agency overstepped its legal authority.

🇺🇸 Israeli forces killed terror leader Yahya Sinwar in Gaza on Wednesday. Sinwar was the top dog of terror group Hamas who masterminded the October 7, 2023 attack on Israel that launched this war. President Biden called Sinwar’s death “a good day for Israel, for the United States, and for the world” and said it opens an “opportunity” for better ceasefire negotiations.” Meanwhile, Israel will allow 50 aid trucks into Gaza after U.S. threats over malnourishment.

🚬 Tobacco use among teens and pre-teens is at a 25-year low. A new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says the drop is mostly driven by a reduction in the number of students sucking on USB sticks vaping. Vapes are still the most common, but usage dropped from 2.13 million in 2023 to 1.63 million this year.

POLITICS

😬 Trump, Harris try out comedy

If Donald Trump loses the election, he might consider giving stand-up comedy a shot. Trump took the stage last night at the annual Al Smith Dinner in a hallmark tradition of the presidential election season. The annual dinner raises funds for Catholic charities in the New York City area. Every four years, the two major-party presidential candidates show up and regale the wealthy audience with election-themed jokes that everyone pretends to laugh at.

• Trump took the stage and won a quick applause when he called Harris's absence "disrespectful" to Catholics.

• He later joked that the previous candidate to skip, Walter Mondale in 1984, lost in a 49-state landslide. Mondale, Trump said, "was expected to do well, then it didn't work out" after he skipped the dinner. "It shows you there is a God."

Kamala Harris became the first nominee since 1984 to skip the dinner. Her campaign said the VP was too busy campaigning in swing states to make the trek to NYC and would instead send a pre-recorded video message. The excuse didn't quite cut it for the event's host, however.

• Catholic Cardinal Timothy Dolan called Harris's absence "a shame because the nature of the evening is to bring people together. The nature of the evening is civility, patriotism, humor."

• In her three-minute video, Harris joked about lying about election results and quoted the Gospel of Luke. She was joined by 90s-era SNL star Molly Shannon. Shannon reprised her old Catholic schoolgirl character, casually sniffed her own armpits, and quoted "Shake It Off."

Comedian Jim Gaffigan emceed the event and joked about Harris's awkward video. “As I watched that I couldn’t help but think now I know how my kids felt when I face-timed into a piano recital."

📺️ Harris, Trump hold dueling Fox News appearances

As part of her fight to win over anti-Trump Republicans, Kamala Harris sat for a tough interview with Fox News's straight newsman, Bret Baier on Wednesday. The VP confirmed that her presidency would be different than Biden's and said, “I represent a new generation of leadership."

• When pressed on migrant-driven crime, Harris said she doesn't believe in "decriminalizing border crossings."

• But she dodged questions on President Biden's mental situation, saying he's not the one "on the ballot."

Donald Trump opted for a "town hall" event the same day. He took questions from an audience composed of a group he's losing by 15 points: women. He defended IVF and tried to walk a tightrope on abortion while steering things toward his strengths on crime, the economy, and immigration.

• Despite a few tough questions, the audience was primarily composed of Republican women who already support him.

Kamala Harris campaigned with billionaire Mark Cuban in Wisconsin yesterday. In the home stretch, she's focusing on the so-called "blue wall" states in the Midwest: Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin. They're all traditionally Democratic but have become competitive in the Trump era.

Donald Trump, meanwhile, is going hard after another coveted demographic this year: young men. He's gone on a blitz through the bro-ey podcast world, appearing on shows from Andrew Schulz, Logan Paul, Theo Von, the Nelk Boys, and Barstool. He might soon be adding the podcasting king, Joe Rogan, to that list. For her part, Kamala Harris is also considering maaaybe sitting down with Rogan.

TRIVIA

As we mentioned above, the Catholic Church hosted last night’s Al Smith Dinner in New York. Its namesake, Al Smith, served as the Empire State’s governor and made history in 1928 by becoming the first Catholic to win a major-party presidential nomination. Smith, a Democrat, lost that race to Republican Herbert Hoover. But two Catholics have gone all the way. Which two U.S. presidents have been Catholic?

WORLD

🇺🇦 Ukraine wants nukes or NATO as North Korea prepares to join fight

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy unveiled his long-awaited "victory plan,” which he said could finish the war by next year. Key points include getting more weapons from allies with fewer restrictions on their use and membership in the U.S.-led NATO defense pact. Relevant to that second point? Nuclear weapons.

• Ukraine dumped its nukes back in 1994 — a decision Zelenskyy believes invited this war. He added that "Either Ukraine will have nuclear weapons and that will be our protection..." or Ukraine will join NATO.

• His plan also included three non-public super secret bits.

Assistance: Back in the United States, President Biden announced a new $425 package of military aid to Ukraine. But Russia’s getting some help, too. Zelenskyy warned yesterday that 10,000 North Korean troops are about to jump into the fight on Russia’s side.

BRIEFS

● Amarillo, Texas wants to test a new legal strategy by banning people from traveling through the city to seek abortions. Normally that wouldn’t affect much. But Amarillo controls a stretch of I-40, which is a key access point to New Mexico where abortion is legal.

● European Union chief Ursula von der Leyen is promising more deportations as E.U. countries meet this week to discuss their growing migrant problem. Meanwhile, Finland wants a border wall and the Dutch are sending migrants to Uzbekistan.

● More than 150 people were killed in Nigeria when an overturned fuel truck exploded. Africa’s most populous country is already reeling from high fuel prices. The explosion occurred as dozens of onlookers rushed in, hoping to score some of the spilled fuel.

● Italy passed a law banning Italians from pursuing surrogacy abroad. Surrogacy has been illegal in Italy since 2004, but some couples still seek it internationally. Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni said the law defends “against the commodification of the female body.”

● SpaceX is suing California after the state denied the company's request for more rocket launches. The lawsuit claims political foul play after a member of the state commission that made the call recently slammed CEO Elon Musk's political activity.

QUOTE

ANSWER

Thirty-two years after Smith’s 1928 loss, John F. Kennedy became the first Catholic to win the presidency. Sixty years later, Joe Biden did it again (and his Catholic faith was far less controversial than it was for JFK).

One rung down the ladder, Biden was the first Catholic to serve as vice president. Depending on how things go next month, JD Vance might be the second.