Good morning! We love a good gimmick, don’t we folks? A Texas man legally changed his name to “Literally Anybody Else” and is running for president. Collecting enough signatures to get his name on the ballot is going to be tough, but perhaps the nation’s disaffected voters will lend Mr. Else a hand.

If you, like many people, live in fear of McDonald’s accidentally becoming too healthy, fear not. McDonald’s locations nationwide will soon(ish) begin selling Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

LEAD

🚢 Broken-down Hyundai crashes into bridge

No, not that one. They make cars. This one, HD Hyundai Heavy Industries, is the world’s largest shipbuilder. They were founded by the same guy, though. Anyway. Early yesterday morning, the container ship MV Dali lost power near the Port of Baltimore and smashed into the support beams of the Francis Scott Key Bridge. The bridge collapsed within seconds.

• Six people are missing and, tragically, presumed dead. These are construction workers who were filling potholes on the bridge at the time.

• The ship’s crew was uninjured.

Mayday: The MV Dali, chartered by shipping giant Maersk, lost power after leaving the port. It issued a mayday signal, warning that a collision might be unavoidable. Gov. Wes Moore said that call resulted in the rapid closure of the bridge to car traffic and “saved lives.”

• Gov. Moore also issued a state of emergency. This gives him (temporary) extra power to redirect state funds and modify some security laws. It’s also a requirement when asking for federal aid.

Cost: The Port of Baltimore supports tens of thousands of jobs. But no ship can currently enter or leave — the entire area is blocked by the fallen bridge. The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers will begin clearing the channel soon.

• Maritime laws, some dating back 1,500 years in principle, dictate who pays for damages to the ship and cargo. This cost is typically split between owners of the carried cargo.

• The ship’s operator could be held responsible for the cost of the bridge itself.

• The Port of Baltimore ranks ninth in the country by cargo tonnage, but first for car imports.

Investigation: The National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) will lead this case, as they do for basically all transportation accidents (right there in the name). The Coast Guard will assist. They're treating this as an accident due to power failure.

• The ship’s voyage data recorder (black box) should clear up the details.

• The NTSB declined to reveal anything further, like if the MV Dali dropped anchor before crashing.

• The bridge was fully up to code. It was designed to take hits from ships. But it was 47 years old. Huge ships the size of the MV Dali did not exist then.

Future: In 2007, an I-35 bridge in Minnesota collapsed. Days later, Congress voted unanimously to fully fund the replacement. President Biden wants to rerun that playbook ASAP.

Video: A current livestream of the bridge site is available here.

Trivia: For the non-history nerds, the Francis Scott Key Bridge was named for the guy who wrote the lyrics to “The Star-Spangled Banner” near here in 1814.

POLITICS

🔵 The Biden campaign is ratcheting up its efforts to reach Black and Hispanic voters. They're launching ads directed at Black voters and programs to drive Hispanic support. Biden received the support of 92% of Black voters and 59% of Hispanic voters in 2020. With some evidence that this support is cracking, Team Biden is taking the threat seriously. After all, these voters are the reason he won in 2020.

🔴 Donald Trump got even more good news this week. He owes close to $500 million to New York as a lawsuit settlement. A court this week agreed to allow Trump to put up only (“only”) $175 million as a bond while he appeals the verdict. Meanwhile, shares in Trump Media popped when they hit the stock market yesterday. The valuation added ~$4.5 billion to Trump’s net worth, making him one of the world’s 500 richest people for the first time.

⚪ Kennedy scion Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. announced tech lawyer Nichole Shanahan as his VP candidate. Shanahan, 38, is the ex-wife of Google co-founder Sergey Brin. Kennedy's run into trouble making the ballot without a named VP candidate. This news should help on that front. But his longshot independent campaign is still just that — a longshot.

🔵 The Florida Democratic Party dumped two county chairs. State Chair Nikki Fried accused them of, well, sucking at their jobs. Florida Dems have completely tanked in recent years, winning only two state offices since 1998, and losing their voter registration edge for the first time ever. Cleaning up the state party is a good first step in turning their luck around.

🔴 Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton (R) cut a deal. Prosecutors had charged him with three felonies for securities fraud. Instead of going to trial, Paxton will pay $300,000 to victims and complete 100 hours of community service. These charges were originally filed back in 2015, so they’ve not exactly impeded his career — he’s won reelection twice since.

TRIVIA

Since 1929, federal law has capped membership of the House of Representatives at 435. Each state gets doled out so many representatives based on its population. If Puerto Rico became a state, how many representatives would it likely receive?

Hint: It would rank #32 in population.

WORLD

🇨🇳 China: The U.S. Department of Justice charged seven Chinese men with hacking and espionage on behalf of the Chinese government. They're not in custody, though. So the State Department is offering up to $10 million for more information. Their targets included U.S. senators and other officials. Data on millions of Americans was compromised.

🇮🇱 Israel: The U.S. broke with longtime ally Israel during a U.N. vote this week. U.S. Ambassador Linda Thomas-Greenfield abstained in a Security Council vote demanding an Israel-Hamas ceasefire. The abstention allowed the resolution to pass by not invoking the U.S.'s veto power. In response, Israel’s government axed its planned visit to Washington.

🇺🇸 United States: Murdering Tupac. Blowing up Kid Cudi’s car. Sex trafficking. Diddy has been accused of a laundry list of crimes. But, despite raiding his homes on Monday with what his attorney called “military-level force,” the government has not yet charged him with anything. Nor has he fled to the islands of Antigua (in the Caribbean) or Cape Verde (in Africa). Should he make a run for it, his options aren’t great — the list of countries without U.S. extradition treaties is short. Even then, a treaty isn’t required to send him back to Uncle Sam. So his best bet? A good lawyer.

BRIEFS

• The U.K. won't extradite Wikileaks founder Julian Assange unless the U.S. promises not to execute him

• House Speaker Mike Johnson has committed to bring a Ukraine funding bill up for a vote “after Easter”

• After a successful run (into the ground), Boeing's CEO will retire this year — airlines want an engineer in charge

• The Kansas state House has begun putting the names of sponsoring lobbyists at the top of bills

• A bunch of fun suckers are protesting a Los Angeles bar's semimonthly turtle races

• Donald Trump is selling golden calves Bibles with a “God Bless the USA” theme — “the only Bible endorsed by President Trump"

• NBC News dropped former RNC Chair Ronna McDaniel after its reporters had a giant collective meltdown over her hiring

• Ukraine will try to make friends in Africa by doubling its number of African embassies and increasing grain shipments

• Florida is the latest state to forbid kids younger than 14 from creating social media accounts

QUOTE

SNACKS

🏴‍☠️ Movies: Producer Jerry Bruckheimer confirmed a sixth "Pirates of the Caribbean" is in the works and will be a reboot.

🎵 Music: Create full-length songs (lyrics, music, and all) with the click of a button using Suno AI.

🏈 Sports: The NFL announced an overhaul of the kickoff process based on the XFL’s rules. The 2023 season saw a measly 22% of kickoffs actually get returned. The league believes the change will boost that to over 80% while reducing concussions.

🪐 Science: The Arizona legislature passed a bill making Pluto its official state planet. No word on whether Gov. Katie Hobbs will sign it. You might be thinking, “But Pluto’s not a planet! It got downgraded to dwarf planet status in 2006!” And you’d be right. But Pluto was discovered in Arizona. So they’re really into it or something.

ANSWER

Based on the complicated formula the government uses to hand out House seats, the ~3,200,00 citizens of the hypothetical 51st state of Puerto Rico would receive four seats in the House of Representatives and, of course, two senators.