Good morning! We regret to inform you that cancel culture is at it again. Aspiring musician John Hinckley, Jr. says he’s the newest victim after music venues keep canceling his scheduled concerts. Why? Oh, just some mild controversy over Hinckley shooting President Reagan in the chest in 1981.

GOVERNMENT

🏛️ “Blowing up” tanks with the ghost army

In a wild turn of events, Congress has been busy lately. The final deadline to avoid a partial government shutdown is tonight. This funding is actually for fiscal year 2024, which ends in September. So... not exactly turning this assignment in early, are they?

• Congress needs to pass six remaining (of 12) appropriations to fund part of the government. They already passed the other six.

• The deal will (among other things), fund another year of PEPFAR. That's the Bush-era AIDS relief program credited with saving 25 million lives.

Ghost Army: America's World War II "Ghost Army" fought the Nazis. But not with guns. Members were recruited from movie sets and art schools to create fake tanks, planes, and soldiers to confuse the Nazis. They saved tens of thousands of lives.

• House Speaker Mike Johnson just awarded surviving members the Congressional Gold Medal. Three of the seven survivors (aged 99-100) attended.

• Awarded since 1776, this is America’s highest civilian award.

One of these vets didn’t reveal his participation until the 90s. He just told his family he “blew up tanks.” It’s a failure of Hollywood that this isn’t a movie yet.

TikTok: The bill to force a sale of TikTok passed the House. It’s now slowly working its way through the Senate. Majority Leader Chuck Schumer isn’t promising to hold a vote on the bill any time soon.

• Some senators (of both parties) want the classified info they have on TikTok to be made public. One of those guys called TikTok “a gun aimed at Americans' heads.”

• One senator received a voicemail from a young woman threatening to "shoot [him]” and "cut [him] into pieces.” We’re political nerds, not attorneys, but that feels super crime-y, no? Also perhaps the worst sales pitch in the world. He’s going to ban it even harder now.

Biden: Despite technically being the most powerful branch of government, Congress doesn’t get all the action. A few updates from the executive branch:

• Biden wiped out $6 billion in student loans for ~80,000 public service workers. This is part of his Public Service Loan Forgiveness program.

• His EPA issued rules that heavily limit the pollution allowed from car tailpipes. By 2032, more than half of new cars will likely be electric under this standard.

• He announced $20 billion in grants/funding to Intel for U.S. chip manufacturing.

GOVERNMENT

⚖️ The possible end of green texts

Attorney General Merrick Garland must have an Android. The Department of Justice (DOJ) filed a huge antitrust lawsuit against Apple yesterday, alleging the company illegally uses its power to harm competitors. The prime target? Those awful, no-good, nasty, socially stigmatizing, dreaded... green texts.

• They say Apple blocks cross-platform apps, limits the performance of third-party smartwatches and more. All to kill the competition.

• Instead of improving its own product, the DOJ says Apple just harms the products of other companies.

• The suit specifically mentions green texts, too, and the “social stigma” they cause.

To prove Apple does this, the government will first need to prove (in court) that Apple has monopoly power. These cases often last years. So Android users shouldn’t expect any quick vindication here.

POLITICS

🔵 A few updates on the Joe Biden (D) camp:

• Outside groups are planning to spend over $1 billion supporting the Biden/Harris ticket. That’s in addition to the likely $1 billion the official Biden campaign will spend.

• Vice President Kamala Harris is becoming the campaign's prime messenger on abortion access. She speaks openly on the subject and visited a clinic in Minnesota.

🔴 A few updates on Donald Trump (R):

• He’s reportedly considering Florida Sen. Marco Rubio for VP, but Rubio’s denying it.

• A Georgia judge will let Trump appeal the decision to not disqualify prosecutor Fani Willis. Willis faces corruption allegations for hiring (and allegedly overpaying) her underqualified lover to try the case.

• New York is moving to seize his HUMONGOUS house north of NYC. Trump needs to come up with nearly $500 million in cash to cover the civil judgment against him. By Monday.

⚪ He’s not ruling it out! Former NJ Gov. Chris Christie (R) won't rule out a possible independent presidential bid with centrist group No Labels. No Labels claims they're running a candidate this year. But, so far, everyone who is anyone has rejected their advances.

🔵 In a shocking announcement, indicted Sen. “Gold Bar” Bob Menendez said he will not run for reelection this year. His federal trial for bribery begins in May. He allegedly took stacks of cash and gold bars in exchange for acting as a foreign agent for Egypt (probably not a recipe for reelection). Menendez says he might change his mind and run as an independent if he’s exonerated at trial.

⚪ Rep. Ken Buck (R) will resign from the House today. Colorado will hold a special election (aka one held outside of the normal schedule) on June 25 to replace him. The Colorado Democratic and Republican Parties will choose their nominees (with no primary vote). The winner will take the seat immediately and serve til Buck's two-year term expires in January (they'll probably also run for the full term in the regular November election).

TRIVIA

For better or worse, America has a two-party political system. This week marked the 170th anniversary of the founding of one of them. Which party was founded on March 20, 1854?

Hint: You don’t get a hint. It’s 50/50. Just pick one and pretend it wasn’t a guess.

WORLD

🇺🇳 United Nations (Israel): The U.S. will ask the United Nations Security Council (UNSC) today to back its call for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza. The resolution also calls for the immediate release of hostages by Hamas. U.N. resolutions are not binding. To pass, this needs nine votes from the 15 UNSC members (along with no veto from the U.S., U.K., China, France, or Russia).

🇭🇹 Haiti: Hundreds of Americans are stranded in Haiti as violence takes over and its government collapses. Now, the U.S. government is coming to their rescue. The State Department is airlifting about 30 people per day to the Dominican Republic and Miami. Florida's government is also chipping in, flying stranded Floridians to Orlando.

🇺🇳 United Nations (AI): The U.N. General Assembly unanimously passed a resolution supporting the goal of "safe" AI development. It also warns against the development of "malicious" artificial intelligence. UN resolutions are legally meaningless. But they're good diplomatic tools to gauge global opinion.

🇵🇰 Pakistan: Assistant U.S. Secretary of State Donald Lu testified before Congress this week. He refuted allegations that the U.S. pushed to oust former Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan. Lu is a career foreign service officer (FSO). He's spent the majority of his adult life working for the State Department all over the world.

BRIEFS

• U.S. scientists, in a global first, implanted a genetically altered pig kidney into a 62-year-old man who couldn’t find a human donor

• Reddit stock hit the market yesterday for the first time, surging 48% on its first day of trading to about $50 per share

• Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni will testify in a lawsuit against two men she alleges created deepfake porn of her

• House Speaker Mike Johnson will invite Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu to address Congress

• The LA Dodgers fired the interpreter for their star Japanese pitcher, Shohei Ohtani, for "massive theft" and gambling on games

• Max, the streaming artist formerly known as HBO Max, is finally set to launch in Europe

• An inmate and his accomplice were (re)captured by Idaho police after escaping during a hospital visit

• Irish Taoiseach (prime minister) Leo Varadkar will resign as soon as his party, Fine Gael, chooses a new leader (who will then become PM)

• The CDC says the U.S. has seen 58 cases of measles this year, mostly due to international travel for not-yet-vaccinated children

QUOTE

SNACKS

🕷️ Spider-Man: Sony will release an animated short on YouTube next week titled "The Spider Within: A Spider-Verse Story." It will show Miles Morales navigating the mental health challenges of being both a teenager and your friendly, multiversal Spider-Man. The short drops at 9 a.m. ET next Wednesday, March 27.

🎢 Barbie world: Toy company Mattel announced plans this week to build a $487 million theme park near Kansas City. Creatively dubbed “Mattel Adventure Park Kansas City,” this will be Mattel’s second park (the first is under construction right now near Phoenix). It will feature rides and roller coasters based on the company’s big brands, like Barbie, Hot Wheels, and… Uno?

🧠 Brain implants: The future is now. Neurotechnology company Neuralink uploaded the first video of its brain implant in action. It shows the company's first trial patient, a man paralyzed from the shoulders down, controlling a computer with his mind.

ANSWER

The Republican Party was founded in Ripon, Wisconsin on March 20, 1854, by anti-slavery activists. To keep things as lame as possible, it’s commonly referred to by its 19th-century nickname, the GOP, which stands for “Grand Old Party.”

The origin of the Democratic Party is a little muddier. It was founded in the late 1820s by (future president) Martin Van Buren to support Andrew Jackson for president. To do so, ole Marty cobbled together factions from the recently extinct (but once dominant) Democratic-Republican Party.

For a bit of added confusion, that Democratic-Republican Party was, in its day, actually called the "Republican Party." Historians retroactively changed that name for obvious reasons.